No one told me that Consistency is WAY more than just showing up

#1: No really! It's not JUST about waking up every day at your job. I was not told!

Last week, I committed myself to designing something every single day. I failed on Day 5. But between Days 1, 2, 3, and 4? I saw literal improvement. With my very eyes, I kid you not, my designs got better.

This is a letter about consistency, how I suck at it, and how I plan to be better.

Psst. It’s a new segment of my newsletter. Will I be consistent? Read to the end to find out.

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This week, I applied myself.

I have never been this busy, this consistent, and I have never applied myself as hard as I did this week. I’ve been jokingly saying, “I’m in my hustle era,” but really, I am in my hustle era. I have a lot at stake now, and I finally know what I want for a change.

For the past six months, I haven’t applied myself the way I thought I was. I haven’t worked hard enough, I haven’t been hungry enough for growth and change, even though I thought I was. And honestly? I should’ve realized sooner.

Then I saw this tweet from Milton Tutu, and thought so freaking hard about it:

The question echoed in my mind so much that I rambled to Tito about it. How I translated the tweet was:

1. I want a better life.

2. I want to work.

3. Am I working hard enough to get the life I desire, or am I working just enough for the life I currently have?

4. Am I fine with the life I have?

Pastor Tito then asked me the million-dollar question, the question I never seem to have the answer to: “What do you want?”

Whenever this question is thrown at me, I freeze. If you had asked me in December 2023 what I wanted, I would’ve written a 100-page essay about my plans, visions, dreams, and goals. But when the year started, something in me seriously changed—so much that when my boss paid for career coaching for me, it turned into a therapy session. It was so bad that I no longer knew what I wanted.

I guess you could say the only thing I wanted was to survive. I wanted to eat, have a working laptop, and have a roof over my head. I wanted to breathe, even if it meant dying in every possible way. For months, I have been devoid of the excitement I once had and unable to dream of a life beyond mere survival. Can you blame me, though? Considering the economic state of the nation and my lack of a trust fund babyness? Survival was all I had. But the thing about chasing survival is giving up the privilege of excitement and passion.

For months, I had been devoid of excitement, but last week, I felt it again. And boy, am I pumped about it.

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I spent the week at my partner's apartment. He’s currently in his “hustle era” too. So every day, when he wakes up super early to get to work, I wake up too. When he picked up his laptop, I also picked up my silly excuse of a laptop that literally only worked when it was semi-plugged in. This, my friends, was the first lesson I learned about being consistent at practically anything: Showing up.

But sometimes, showing up on Slack and being in front of your “laptop” isn’t always enough. I faced numerous challenges that not only hindered my ability to “show up” — how could I show up when I was fighting for my life anyway, I thought — but also affected my ability to do anything at all. I was slow and frustrated, so most times I’d close my “laptop,” and do what I could with my phone or just stare at the love of my life while he’s killing it at work.

On one of those many slow, frustrating days, I had a call with my boss. As expected, she was as frustrated as I was — no surprises there — and when the call dropped, I cried and asked a friend for advice. “What should I do?” I asked him. He said, “Be honest. What are your biggest challenges right now?” I paused, thought about it, and answered, “A laptop would be nice. And maybe a pack of Capri Sun.”

“Okay, great,” he continued. “You’re being honest with me right now, and I appreciate it. But how honest have you been with other people around you, your boss included?”

That day, I sent her a message on Slack, very close to tears but forming hard guy, and said, “Hi. Can I be honest?”

That was my second lesson: you cannot be consistent with anything, you can’t grow at anything, if you are not honest about the things you are failing at or struggling with.

Show up, but be very honest about what you can, and can’t do.

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I spoke about a design challenge earlier and how I kind of failed at it, so let me give you more context. I love design; I think it’s my first love. I can spend hours watching tutorials or guessing website typefaces and never get tired. I’ve always wanted to get better at it and I’ve dreamt of doing so, but I never have. The excuse was always, “When I get a better laptop.”

However, I was temporarily staying at my partner’s apartment, and he had a better laptop. So, I picked it up, opened Canva and Pinterest, chose a theme, and designed something. It was fun, and I was proud of what I had created.

On day two, I designed a seamless carousel for a travel brand (I won’t share that here because #confidential), and the feedback was amazing. I was proud again of what I created.

On day three, I chose something a bit more challenging: A Brutalist poster.

On day four, I made another carousel for work.

On day five, I picked up the laptop again, chose a theme, but designed nothing.

While I failed to be consistent with this challenge, I don’t feel sad about it. In fact, I’m actually very proud of myself for not only showing up for four days straight but also because I learned what consistency really is.

I’ve heard many definitions of what being consistent means and what consistency can do for you in terms of growth, but no one told me that consistency is WAY more than just showing up and posting on LinkedIn about your achievements.

Consistency without learning from mistakes and getting better every single day is like a “Bob” wearing a very ugly tie and showing up at Walmart every day to do the same things, move the same boxes, and say hi to the same people, only to go home, feed his dog, and go to sleep. At least Bob has a dog. What do you have if you’re just doing the same things without actually getting better at them?

It’s a harsh truth, and once I realized I was capable of improving, I picked up my TV-laptop and locked in.

Show up, but be honest about what you can’t do. Learn from every mistake and apply each lesson to the next task.

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I have more to say, but the microwave is beeping, and my fufu is inside. I took my ADHD meds today, so I was able to get some work done. My boss said she really liked something I wrote, and it made me feel like I finally, finally know what I want.

I want to be better.

Sincerely,

Eli.